Mmmmm bop mm mmmmmm bop

Well, well. I'm actually blogging, we'll see how this goes! Thanks to my new dear friend Lisa pope i have now started my new blog!

I feel as if i should give you all a brief overview of my current standings. I've just been through alot in my life with family and work and money (ugh) and friends and things that i usually don't want to get into but i had no choice really. Who does when things go sour? So i had some family members of mine recently go into the hospital both on life support. Its a horrible thing to go through for a family member, but to see the strength of your family come out is truly astounding, enough to make you take a step back and realize how Strong love truly is. But these kind of event also make you think of the big picture... the ever going picture, and for me when all this was starting to end and everyone is almost all better... all i could think of is one question... Is god real? Good question huh. especially for a self proclaimed Atheist. I hate to offend anyone but this is just the way that my head works, i will never knock anybody for their beliefs these are just mine. I came to the verdict a while ago that everything happens for a reason, but when you see someone like my cousin Brianna go through what she has had to her whole life i really cant make sense of it. I just don't think this 18 year old talented girl with a voice that will legit knock your socks off and ambition to boot, has to 'feel the wrath' so to speak. But thats quite enough on that topic, i could really go on for days. But any who. Every one is ok for now (heath wise) we are still all trying to take a deep breath after holding it for months.

I also had some new feelings on friends in general. trusting and truly loving them. Its always the ones you let in the most that crush you the hardest, and then when it happens who do you turn to? Thats far behind me now but I'll never forget these things, i really wish i could. Thats the thing about my mind though if you effect me in anyway positive or negative i will never forget. But always forgive and just know how to read you better. Thats it. thats all you can do unless you want to be lonely. I always give people 2nd 3rd and 4th chances, no doubt i've needed them myself, i certainly am not a saint! Every one messes up, drops the ball, or trips, you have to roll with the punches and learn from yours and others mistakes.

But thats just it! I have recently met someone i have not known to be true or allowed in my life since high school. This person just blows my mind, to me you are a good person until proven guilty one 4 accounts... this person may have trumped that just from opening her mouth in one day. I dont appreciate when people are hurtful for no reason to people that i care about or people in general and make it known. its not nice. but i wont speak her name because thats not right either. right?

Any whooooo enough on the bad things is suppose, even though it usually is the reason why people write.. or blog or what have you. I am soon to be moving into my fathers house! I am so excited! i havent lived with my dad except for on the weekends since i was a wee tot, maybe four? He has a beautiful house in agawam and an amazing family! Its really going to be a blast. I went to his house yesterday to meet all of his work friends for a cook outy thing, and they are soooo fun and seem like really truly amazing people! I hope we can all get to know each other better! they are just a blast! Not to mention the fact that they were all so excited to meet me! Awesome!!! very welcoming people! My dad has got to be one of the most amazing talented people i have ever met!

but on a side note... I'm effin lonely i think. I'm totally ok with my life right now and i have yet to get myself in "the game" but I dont want to loose myself again. It seems like when i am in a relationship i give my EVERYTHING to it. not cool, i really wish i could take my own advice sometimes and stop. Its ridiculous. When i was in my last relationship i didnt paint, didnt draw, didnt read, i didnt even really care about music! Ew blasphemy! I'm not saying im exactly looking for anything, but if it happens im not opposed to it entirely. but if anything did happen i want to take it slow... real slow. Weird for me, not saying im a big whore or anything like that. But just not the way i do most things. Will power has never really been one of my strong points!

Well enough blabbing for me! Nighters!